Retreat for caregivers is set for April 22 in Beech Grove
St. Thomas Aquinas parishioners Kathy and Bob Carroll of Indianapolis enjoy time together at home on March 25 with their dog, Emma. She is a registered nurse and one of the presenters for a caregivers retreat on April 22 at the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center in Beech Grove. (Photo by Mary Ann Wyand)
By Mary Ann Wyand
Registered nurse Kathy Carroll, a longtime member of St. Thomas Aquinas Parish in Indianapolis, is an experienced caregiver and certified bereavement specialist.
She serves as the coordinator of the Center for Perinatal Loss as well as the Resolve Through Sharing infant loss program at St. Vincent Women’s Hospital in Indianapolis.
Both ministries are extremely emotional and challenging as she helps grieving parents during the most heartbreaking time in their lives.
Carroll also is a busy wife, mother and grandmother. And she is a caregiver every day at home because her husband, Bob Carroll, is battling multiple myeloma, an incurable bone marrow cancer, which has left him weak and disabled from the debilitating disease combined with complications from chemotherapy treatments.
Yet she still smiles, laughs easily and enjoys life even though every day is a challenge in many ways.
But that’s not easy to do, she said, considering how stressful and exhausting it can be to provide so much care for so many people all the time.
She said her love for God, her husband, their three grown children, two grandchildren and the family’s devoted dog, Emma, make her long and often tiring days worthwhile.
“Bob is Number One to me except for God,” she said. “He has cancer, and that’s something we have to deal with together.”
Her presentation on “Searching for Epiphanies” during “Attention to Advocacy—Be the Voice,” the sixth annual caregivers retreat on April 22 at the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center in Beech Grove, will address ways that caregivers can stay balanced in the midst of their often hectic schedules, and learn how to take care of themselves.
She will discuss how a caregiver can wake up each day with a joyful attitude, and keep his or her eyes, ears and heart open to the wonders of God.
“The best advocate for us and for our patients is God,” Carroll explained. “… We have a need to be able to identify the epiphanies in our everyday lives so that the Spirit of God guides us in our work and care for others.”
This year’s retreat will focus on advocacy for the patient and the caregiver, said Benedictine Sister Mary Luke Jones, the administrator of the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center, operated by the Sisters of St. Benedict of Our Lady of Grace Monastery in Beech Grove.
“This day is designed to refresh, renew and revive those who care for others,” Sister Mary Luke said, “whether in the hospital, hospice, nursing care facility or home setting.”
Sister Mary Luke will discuss “Placing All Things in Perspective,” a humorous look at life, during the retreat, which also includes a presentation on palliative care.
Bob and Kathy Carroll have been married for 33 years, and their wedding vows to love each other “in sickness and in health” have taken on a new meaning since his cancer diagnosis in May 2008.
They are happy that their three adult children—Keith, Beth and Laura—practice their Catholic faith.
Bob Carroll isn’t able to work or drive a car now, but is looking for volunteer opportunities that he can do at home.
Since last fall, he has served as the sponsor for Laura’s husband, Pete Vandervaart, who is completing the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults process and will join the Church during the Easter Vigil liturgy on April 3 at Christ the King Church in Indianapolis.
“I have always felt as a nurse that I was a great advocate for the patients,” Kathy Carroll said. “But some people aren’t as comfortable asking questions of the patient about what they need or what they don’t understand that the doctor is telling them. Since Bob got sick, I have learned a lot more about advocacy. There are a lot of questions that people can ask physicians to help guide them, but some people are afraid to ask. … People need to be able to have all the choices put in front of them, and that includes doing nothing.”
Bob Carroll tries to stay positive about his cancer journey.
“It’s been a long two years,” he said. “It’s been pretty good really as far as success is concerned, but it has not been without its drawbacks. I had to have two bone marrow transplants—one in May of 2009 and one in August of 2009.
“I’m trying to get stronger, and would really like to be employed or do some volunteer work,” he said. “But it looks like employment is going to be a thing of the past. I have trouble walking sometimes and keeping my balance on occasion. I’ve been known to fall sometimes. I miss being more mobile.”
The cancer and chemotherapy weakened his immune system, and a viral infection led to septic shock last August that required the use of a ventilator for 12 days to keep him alive.
“I think you learn to pray more,” Kathy Carroll said. “Bob spent 73 days [receiving care] in three hospitals from August until the end of October before he was able to come home.”
A caregiver needs to learn how to be patient as an advocate for their loved one who is ill, she said, and honest, ongoing communication is necessary to avoid taking control away from the patient, who has already lost a lot of control in life because of an illness or disability.
“I spend time praying every day, and I think about Kathy a lot,” he said. “As a caregiver, she really does most of the work [at home] and helps me with whatever I can’t do. I couldn’t live without her.”
(For more information or to register for the Caregivers Retreat on April 22 at the Benedict Inn Retreat and Conference Center, call 317-788-7581 or log on to www.benedictinn.org before the April 8 deadline. The fee of $50 per person covers presentations, materials and lunch.) †
