2010 Evangelization Supplement
Couple’s love story shows the goal of marriage
For Thomas and Lisa Brown, their family is a natural extension of the love they have created in their marriage. Here, the family poses for a photo taken during a Florida vacation. From left, Lisa, Colin, Meredith and Thomas stand in the back row. Sophie and Beau are in the front row. (Submitted photo)
By John Shaughnessy
When they were preparing to be married, Thomas and Lisa Brown never really considered the most important goal of their marriage.
Even after they had been married for a few years, they didn’t know how they could take their marriage to a higher, more intimate level.
Yet now, after 18 years as husband and wife, the Browns understand the true purpose of their marriage—and the way to make it as good as possible.
Indeed, they are so sure of those twin goals that they publicly share their story with engaged couples who participate in Pre-Cana marriage preparation classes in the Batesville Deanery.
The sharing of their story reflects the Church’s and the archdiocese’s increasing efforts to use marriage preparation as a form of evangelization for non-Catholics and a way to deepen the faith of Catholics.
“Marriage preparation is a great opportunity to reconnect with Catholics who may not be active in their faith,” says Peg McEvoy, associate director of evangelization and family catechesis for the archdiocese. “It’s also a great opportunity to introduce people from other Christian denominations and other religions to the beauty of our faith as it’s expressed in the sacrament of matrimony. It also allows Catholics to deepen their faith.”
All those elements are involved in the story of the Browns, who are members of St. Louis Parish in Batesville.
The Browns’ story—including their path to a more intimate relationship—began when they were first married.
It was a time when Thomas was a fallen-away Catholic and Lisa was an involved, longtime member of the Episcopal Church. In fact, when the couple moved from Kentucky to Batesville, Lisa helped start a small Episcopalian community there. And Thomas became a part of it until his life changed during a family trip to Italy.
Understanding a marriage’s main goal
“In Rome, we went to St. Peter’s Basilica, and I had a strong conversion experience there,” Thomas recalls. “We walked in and saw the Pieta to the right. There were people from all over the world on their knees, saying prayers in all languages.”
It hit Thomas that those people were part of the universal Church, not just a small church in a southern Indiana community. When he came home, he had an insatiable desire to read book after book about the Catholic faith. He also wanted to have Lisa share that faith, but his constant efforts only made her reluctant.
That’s when Thomas decided to let God handle the situation. Thomas no longer shared information about the Catholic faith with Lisa. Instead, he prayed the rosary on a regular basis, hoping she would become open to the Catholic faith. Weeks passed and then Lisa shared a revelation that stunned her husband.
“I said, ‘I think I’m going to RCIA [the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults program in which a non-Catholic prepares to become a Catholic],’ ” Lisa recalls. “I think he almost fell off the chair. I have to attribute that to my husband saying the rosary for me.”
That turn of events transformed their marriage.
“Before my conversion and before he came back to the Church, we had a really good marriage, very solid,” Lisa says. “But that spiritual component was missing. When we added that spiritual component, our relationship went from good to great. Once we became more spiritually connected, we became more intimate as a couple.”
The Browns share the importance of that transition with engaged couples in the marriage preparation classes. They refer to Matthew Kelly’s book The Seven Levels of Intimacy in which the Catholic author maintains that a marriage has to be strong in four areas to be successful: intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual.
“The only way you can have a good spiritual relationship is to be one in your faith,” Thomas says. “You’re not whole otherwise.”
Having that spiritual connection led the Browns to understand the most important goal of their marriage—the most important goal of any marriage.
“A couple’s main goal is to get each other to heaven,” Thomas says. “And putting Christ and the Church in the middle of that definitely helps you.”
Lisa adds, “Before that, we were in a relationship to make each other feel good. Once we determined that our main goal in our marriage is to help us get to heaven and become the best versions of ourselves, our marriage had more purpose. That meant a lot to me.”
While their message is serious, their approach to sharing it with engaged couples is often light-hearted and filled with stories.
“Sometimes, people in the Church can come across a little stodgy,” Thomas says. “We try to tell a joke or two, to let them know we’re normal people, and that it can be cool to be involved in the Church.”
Sharing the joy in a marriage
That approach pervades the Batesville Deanery’s focus in marriage preparation classes.
Many of the couples who are required to take marriage preparation classes to be married in the Church have one person who is from a different Christian tradition, a different religion or no religious background. So the approach is designed to be welcoming.
“I was a little concerned about the reaction of non-Catholics who take the classes,” says Nancy Fahringer, the resource and program administrator for the Batesville Deanery. “We’ve been doing it for five years now, and haven’t had anyone offended in any way. The response to the program has been overwhelmingly positive. And it’s truly life-changing for a lot of these couples.
“By the end of the day, the couples hang around, talking. They tell us their marriage is going to be different because they have a whole new perspective about the purpose of their marriage and how to live it out. They understand that the goal is to bring your spouse with you to heaven. They understand that their marriage should be focused on their spouse, and how to bring good to them.”
Marriage preparation classes also present opportunities to explain the teachings of the Church regarding marriage, according to McEvoy, who leads the archdiocesan approach in this area.
“In all our marriage preparation, there needs to be a component of how we understand marriage in the Catholic faith, and how to understand the purpose of marriage, especially our openness to children and the building of a family,” McEvoy says. “We also have to share how our faith supports the relationship of husband and wife.”
For the Browns, who are the parents of four children, sharing their story in marriage preparation classes is their personal way of offering young engaged couples a path to find the joy they know in their marriage.
“Most of the people who are non-Catholic wouldn’t hear all the beautiful things about our faith if people didn’t share them in these classes,” Thomas says. “This may be the only opportunity to evangelize non-Catholics. Also, it helps Catholics affirm what’s special about the Church so they don’t leave in the future.”
Lisa adds, “It’s also important for them to see a happy couple who love the Church and love their faith. How cool is that?” †
